I'm 19 weeks pregnant today and had my anatomy scan yesterday! Casey
couldn't make it, so my Mom went with me. Everything looks perfect!! The
tech checked that my cervix is closed and looks good, she doesn't
suspect I'll go through pre-term labor, so that's great. Then she
checked everything on the baby, his heart, stomach, bladder, kidneys,
umbilical cord, everything! I even got to see the blood pumping through
his heart, it was amazing! I just love technology and what it can do.
He weighs about 9 oz and is measuring right on track! She said that he was very cooperative for the scan so they were able to
get all the needed measurements, so I probably will not have to go back
for a follow-up scan. He has all his fingers and toes, and we got to see
his femur bone too! I wish I could have a scan like that all the time! I
love seeing all of his anatomy and knowing that everything is good! I
even had her check that he's still a boy, and of course, he is! :-)
Below are a couple of the pictures I got and my most recent bump picture. Oh I forgot to mention that I
got a whole CD of pictures that were taken throughout the scan too!
Wow I can't believe I'm in my 18th week, this pregnancy is flying by! I can't believe we already have our anatomy/anomaly scan next week! Can't wait to see my little man again! Anyways, I haven't posted much lately but it's going good! Here's my bump picture from today :)
I haven't posted in a few weeks, not a whole lot has changed since our AMAZING NT scan! But I figured I'd do a post on cloth diapering (CD'ing). When I was pregnant earlier this year, I started learning a little bit about cloth diapering. It was VERY confusing. I was interested, but completely confused to say the least! Anyways, this time I started researching again. I got into a couple cloth diapering groups on Facebook and started going to town. I consider myself a "researcher," I think it's from all my years of schooling! Anyways, I like to do the research, then present my case. So I started researching and immediately found Bum Genius diapers to be very appealing. They offer one-size diapers meaning, they'll fit the baby from about 8/10 lbs until 35 lbs (potty training).
Thankfully I met a new friend along the way, Cori, who directed me to a website called Jillian's Drawers where I gained so much more information and valuable research to present to Casey (whom I knew would be skeptical). So I presented him with the information and he said he'd support whatever I wanted to do, but wanted some disposables on hand just in case, I'm okay with that. I think he got a little more excited when I showed him the diaper sprayer (more info below). So the main reasons I want to cloth diaper is that it is extremely cost effective, meaning one could save at least $1,000 (probably more) by cloth diapering, and it is so good for the baby. You don't have to worry about all the crazy chemicals in disposable diapers and babies are also less likely to receive diaper rashes if they wear cloth diapers. Some say babies who wear CD's also potty training faster, plus there!!
So in one of my groups, I discovered that there is a sale going on right now for Bum Genius' Freetime's which are a one-size, all in one diaper. Meaning, it goes on almost exactly like a disposable (i.e. very easy!!) and the snaps make it adjustable by size. I haven't decided which diapers I'll start the baby off in yet, since these are likely going to be too big, I'm currently researching this. So I ordered the Freetimes below from Holistic Parent for an awesome deal to get my stash started!! I'm so excited, I can't wait to try these out!! Good news is that the daycare center where the baby will hopefully be going, supports cloth diapering yay!!
I've already gotten questions and strange looks for wanting to do this, but to me it seems like the right thing to do for us and for our baby. One of the biggest questions people have is, what do you do with the poop? Well when the baby is a newborn and is breastfed (which fingers crossed I'll be able to do), their poop is water soluble, so you just throw the diapers in the washer!! When the baby starts eating more than just milk, you can spray the poop off into the toilet using a diaper sprayer (see video below), then of course when the poop is hard you just plop it in the toilet. When the diapers are soiled, you store them in a diaper can (similar to what you do with disposables), but the liner is washable so every day or two, you wash the all the diapers including the liner.
I know this is going to take some getting used to, but I'm honestly super excited about this!! Another thing I learned in my research is that there is a CD store right in Hamburg that sells just about everything called Fresh and Fluffy Shop. They are offering a CD class on December 8th that I plan on attending to see more diapers in person and to learn even more!! One other website that I've found to be extremely valuable is Kelly's Closet who sells just about ever CD out there as well. I also found one other video (below) extremely useful that explains the different Bum Genius Diapers. I know there's still a lot of research to do on everything, but I look forward to that and learning more and more before Baby Astry arrives in May!
I had my NT scan today & it went wonderfully. I was really nervous going into scan as it was same scan we learned of no HB last time, but was definitely relieved to see a growing baby! Baby measured exactly 12w5d and had a heartbeat of 165 bpm. Baby was jumping & moving all over the place, it was so cute! We even got to see the baby in 3D/4D! Amazing seeing those features, makes this that much more real! We even saw the 2 sides of the brain!! Anyways here are the pictures :)
I bit the bullet & ordered a few maternity pieces from Motherhood Maternity because they were having a free shipping event! I got the items yesterday & wore the tunic & leggings for the first time today! So comfy! Can't wait for the work pants to come in as I'm in desperate need, belly is taking over. Here is my outfit today :) I also ordered a few fun shirts & a onesie yesterday, so cute/funny! I'll put up pics when they arrive!
For those that struggle with infertility, it many times can be hard for others to understand. Even if you've had/have children, are pregnant, have been pregnant, etc., you will always be someone who has gone through infertility and someone who feels the pain that infertility leaves. In browsing through my FB groups on my lunch hour today, I found this and thought that this describes infertility better than anything else I've seen...
Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to
the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a
recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is
no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the
stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and
move on with your life.
The grief of infertility is not so cut
and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may
never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's
nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe
that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to
prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be
different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over
the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year
after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right
when it starts to heal.
There's this amazing couple, Candace & Chris that write a blog called Our Misconception. They've been struggling with infertility for far too long! I've gotten to know Candace through an IVF group on Facebook. She had 3 guest authors this week for Pregnancy & infant awareness loss month. I got the opportunity to write a post for her blog. I used the post I wrote the day of my D&C when I lost Orville. I cut it down as much as I could and she posted it yesterday. I've gotten such amazing feedback on the post and I'm sure she got a lot of page views from it. It's a very raw, truthful post. I know many of my followers read the original post, but if you'd like to read the version I edited for my guest post, I'd love for you to check it out here: Remember Orville. I especially love the picture she chose for the post. Thanks again for all the love and support <3
I had my official dating ultrasound with Southtown's Radiology this past Tuesday & it was amazing!! Baby Astry was measuring right on what we should be measuring at 9w4d. Baby was moving all around, it was amazing! The tech told me that I have a very active baby & everything looked great! The HB was in the 170s and she even played the sound of the heart beating away for me, it was so wonderful! I'm now 10w1d. Everything has been going great. I am so exhausted and feel best when I get 9-10 hours of sleep each night! Granted I do get up "a million times" each night caused my insomnia and my freakishly small bladder haha! I have this amazing boppy pregnancy pillow that I highly recommend!! I'm so glad I spent the money on it! Casey even wants one! Haha. I've been quite nauseous in the mornings, but I'm good once I eat :) Sometimes I get it during the day if I get too hungry! I was surprised the 1st time I nauseous as I didn't have it last time, definitely a good sign for this pregnancy. Oh and I've been craving sweets like crazy, which is very unlike me normally!! I've started drinking fruit/veggie smoothies to get fruits/veggies in during the day, they're actually really good!! And that's my update! See some pictures below :)
In October 1988, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed October as national pregnancy & infant loss awareness month. October 15 is a day where grieving parents can come together. A "wave of light" is done at 7 pm to remember our angels by lighting a candle. Tonight at 7 pm both Casey & I each lit a candle to remember Orville who we'll always love & miss. I am also going to be a guest blogger on a friends blog sometime in the next 2 weeks talking about the loss. The post is basically a repeat post with some editing. It was definitely emotional reading through the post and bringing up those emotions. I will share as soon as the post is up! Lastly, I broke 20,000 views on my blog! Woohoo never imagined having such an impact on others!! Thank you to everyone who reads my posts. Below are the candles we lit tonight. RIP Orville <3
Today was my final appointment at Buffalo IVF. It's very bittersweet but they've done their job & it's time for us to part ways. I will miss all the nurses and doctors as they've been so great to us over the last 18 months. But, time to move forward. My first OB appointment is on October 15 at Omni OBGYN in Hamburg. I found the 1st doctor that ever prescribed me fertility meds at this group. His name is Dr Bitar and I first met him 2 years ago right before he left Dr Persaud's office. I'm excited to go to a group. Ill see three different OB's, a NP & a CNN if I want too. As far as I know, they deliver at Women's and Children's hospital in buffalo. I know it's a far drive, so hopefully I don't suddenly going into labor when it's time. I am looking forward to my first appointment & meeting the people at the office. That's it for now. Below is a picture from today's scan. Baby is measuring great, has a heartbeat of 166 & the doctors are very happy, as are we :)
On September 10, I got the most amazing phone call...I'm pregnant!! I had 3 blood draws on Monday, Wednesday & Friday of that week & my numbers rose beautifully!! They more than doubled every 48 hours. I had my first ultrasound on Tuesday September 18 where we got to see 1 beautiful gestational sac, a clear yolk sac & a tiny little baby!! It's such a good feeling seeing that. My 2nd ultrasound was today September 27. We got to see Baby Astry's heartbeat for the first time! It was moving all over the place, even more of an amazing feeling. The heartbeat measured at 122 bests per minute which is great!! We are ecstatic! I am 6w6d, so 7 weeks pregnant tomorrow! I've been meaning to update my blog but am finally getting to it after our great news today!! I'll start uploading pictures from the last few weeks as well. Below the top ultrasound pictures is from today and the bottom one is the one from last Tuesday. Thanks again to everyone for all of their support, thoughts & prayers, they are all greatly appreciated!!
Ahh the two week wait (2ww), anyone whose seriously trying to have a baby or going through the infertility process knows exactly what the 2ww is. Sometimes the 2ww is shorter or longer than 2 weeks depending on what you end up doing or what the doctors end up deciding. Either way, it's complete torture. The 2ww is the time between ovulation and "Aunt Flow (AF)" (your period)/positive pregnancy test. For those going through IVF the 2ww can be the time between the egg retrieval or embryo transfer and whenever your doctor decides to do the test. During this dreaded wait, you over-analyze every little thing! Even if it's something that literally happens every day, all of a sudden you're wondering if it's a pregnancy symptom. It is complete mind torture. It's a mind game, that's what it is, for me I play a mind game with myself for most of the 2ww, it's hard not too, especially if you've been through it before and have actually gotten a positive. Also, progesterone can mess with your "symptoms" as well, it can make you believe you have pregnancy symptoms when really, they're symptoms from your daily hormones.
Here are some of the mind games that happen:
All of a sudden you notice a funny smell, yup you must be pregnant.
OMG you have an upset stomach, that's definitely a pregnancy symptom (even though you're prone to upset stomachs), but it's different this time.
You're cramping...now this one goes back and forth. One second you're pregnant, the next you're fully convinced that this didn't work and you're going to have to do this all over again.
You get a 5 second burst of heartburn, yup you must be pregnant because you only get heartburn when you're pregnant.
You get a headache every day for a few days, that's definitely a pregnancy symptom.
And the list goes on...
Sounds fun, huh? On top of all the "symptoms," I refuse to take a home pregnancy test. I am one of a minority here as many TTC (trying to conceive) people are POAS (pee-on-a-stick) addicts! They start testing the second they inject the trigger (which contains HCG) so they can see when the HCG leaves their system, so they know for real when they get a positive. I stopped POAS a LONG time ago! I got so sick of "being slapped in the face twice" (negative test, then AF), that I decided to stop using them all together. So while I'm analyzing every little thing, I refuse to POAS. So it's truly a waiting game. The day of beta (HCG blood draw) is the longest day of your life. Time moves slower than you could ever imagine because you honestly have no clue what to expect. You've convinced yourself so many times you're pregnant, then convinced yourself so many times that you're not pregnant, that you honestly don't know what's going to happen. So you continue wondering until you get the phone call...did it work? or did it not work? Only time will tell...
So Friday was the egg retrieval and we collected...drum roll please...11 eggs!! This is 4 more than last time, so definitely much better!! On Friday, I was very sore and rested all day. On Saturday morning just before 9 am, I got the phone call that 7 of the eggs fertilized, and 4 were normal and growing strong! Yayyy! Doctor was very pleased as we only had 1 viable embryo last time. Even with 1 embryo, it did turn into a pregnancy, so we're hoping this time is successful as well and the baby stays put for 9 months! On Monday morning, we transferred 2 top grade, beautiful embryos! One had 10 cells and the other had 8 cells! We still have 2 more embryos that are growing and hopefully will be able to freeze. We will know more about these ones and if they make it to freezing within the next few days. Yesterday after transfer, I rested all day! I'm back to work today and now we enter the dreaded wait where I'll analyze every little thing over the next couple weeks to see if this works! So we're keeping our fingers crossed that this works for us! Please be thinking and praying for us. Below are pictures of our beautiful embryos!
Below are some pictures from today! Baby shirt for good luck, my IV, me after the procedure looking gorgeous lol, & Amber's comment when I told her the good news (that's why she's one of my bff's! Haha). PS we got 11 eggs!! Yayyy I'm so excited! Can't wait to hear how many fertilize!! :)
Twas the Night Before Egg Retrieval... Tomorrow is my egg retrieval and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I'm just as nervous this time, if not more nervous, than I was last time. I also never imagined I'd be doing this again so soon as in my mind, I should be 6 months pregnant right. However, I'm not, so here I am going through all this to TRY to get my baby. Last night at 8:30 pm, I triggered ovulation with Ovidrel. I bled a little, no big deal. After the shot, it instantly became real and I started worrying...did I do that shot right?! Of course I did, it's really the only shot you CANNOT mess up! It's a pre-filled syringe, you stick it in and inject the solution. That's it, nothing you can mess up. Okay, so ovulation will now occur 36 hours later...how does it know to ovulate me 36 hours later? I've always wondered that, what if it ovulates sooner? This is what starts running through my head and this is just the beginning. Today I've been pretty nervous about tomorrow. The unexpectedness of last cycle started coming into my head which leads to the unexpected of this cycle. Last time, we expected to get 12 eggs, only got 7, only 3 fertilized, only 1 was viable which led to a 2 day transfer. It did lead to a pregnancy, so I know it only takes one, but that was the scariest thing to go through all the drugs, all the ultrasounds, all the injections and wondering if I would even make it to embryo transfer. I know where the nerves come from, I'm sure it happens to everyone but knowing what can happen, some don't even make it to embryo transfer, that's what makes me so nervous. It's the "unknown," I wish I could some how know exactly what was going to happen. So here I am, figured I'd write a quick post before I relax for the rest of the night. Casey and I went to Bob Evans (haha we act like we're 60 years old at times) and it was damn good! I took my doxycyline and so far it hasn't made me feel like shit, and I've used the (TMI!!) medicated douche my doctor told me to use (EWW I feel so violated right now haha), but I'll do whatever I need to do. Here's what this cycle has consisted of:
1 Mock Embryo Transfer
21 days of birth control pills
23 days of the Lupron injection
12 days of Follistim (FSH) injection & SolX (LH) injection
1 Ovidrel ovulation shot
9 trips to Buffalo IVF at 52 miles each way
8 blood work draws
6 vaginal ultrasounds
In case you didn't know, that's what it takes just to get to tomorrow, egg retrieval. There is so much invested and now I enter the world of the unknown. How many eggs will they retrieve? How will I feel? Will I be in much pain after? Will the IV hurt going on? How many eggs will fertilize? How will the quality be of the embryos? How many embryos will make it to transfer day? WILL THIS WORK?!
Please be thinking and praying for us tomorrow and going forward for hopefully the next 9 months! <3
After stimming for 12 days, follies are ready! Dr measured 8 on my right side (there were a few more he didn't measure) & 5 on my left side. A few more woke up since Tuesday morning yay! We're officially ready to go for ER on Friday morning!! Triggering with ovidrel tonight!
Here's what the follies looked like this morning, plus a few more in the 16-18 mm range. Most are on my right side which I'm definitely feeling! Really hoping doctor will have me trigger tomorrow evening, we'll see!
This is what a typical IVF cycle looks like on my stomach & arm. It actually looks better this time than when I normally use stims! Oh and that bloating, gotta love that too! This is the sexy side of infertility!
Classy is giving yourself fertility shots at the Erie County Fair during the tractor pull, while using the wheel well of a trailer as your counter, with a drunk guy watching you because he'd like to pee back there!! Ahh the life of an infertile! We do what we gotta do!
Here's my drugs & prep for when I'm taking stims! That's 3 shots every night! My protocol is Lupron, Follistim & Solution X which is an LH. It's especially fun giving yourself 3 shots, 1 right after another! Bloodwork & ultrasound tomorrow!! Grow follies grow!
Bruise on top is from night #3, bruise on bottom is from night #1. I just did night #4 on my left side & it's looking pretty good, we'll see if it bruises!
This picture was on an infertility page on Facebook and I loved it. This isn't meant to be mean by any means. All words I hear from people are truly appreciated. However, no one truly understands unless you've been through it. For me, it's infertility, trying to conceive, and miscarriage. This can apply to others as well in any of their situations. I just really loved this and thought I'd share :) Thank you to everyone for all their thoughts and prayers throughout this whole process. They are appreciated so much :)
I decided to video a "how-to" tonight of myself doing my Lupron shot! I love documenting stuff. I've never done a video of my infertility process, so I figured, why not?! So here's the video! Ohh and if you're doing this, make sure you're careful in putting the cap back on the needle when you're done! The needle poked through tonight because I was moving too fast and it "bit" my finger! Ouch! A finger prick is much worse than any shot!! You'll see my ouch face right before the video shuts off! Haha
And it starts again. I was definitely nervous about giving myself a shot after 5 months! It's really not sore, we'll see how it looks tomorrow. And most importantly how I feel tomorrow! Last time I took this I was flu-like sick the whole day after! So fingers crossed I wake up feeling good :)
I saw this one of my facebook groups and had to repost to my blog!
So what if your uterus’ isn’t behaving! Who cares if your husband’s sperm has more tails than a dog! It doesn’t matter if you’re tubes have no idea how to fallop! Don’t feel sorry for us! There are lots of positive aspects to being an infertile such as….
(1) No awkward sex talk to your future children! Explaining the birds and the bees to our children will be fun! “Little Tommy, when a mommy and a daddy love each other they drive to a fertility clinic and 4 years later, you are conceived with a lot of love and a little test tube.” (2) By the time you are pregnant, your friends are already finished having kids. You can borrow all their baby stuff (even if they are stained with poop and vomit).
(3) During IVF or IUI, your partner doesn’t even have to be present during conception! Just send him a quick text once it’s done. “Honey, we did it! How was it for you?”
(4) When you go to sleep at night, you still get to sleep through the night.
(5) You get to cry about infertility in random places. Why go to a boring old grocery store if you’re just going to shop. Yawn. Boring. Having a emotional breakdown in the tampon aisle, now that’s interesting!
(6) Your friends all offer to let you have their bratty kids. Great! So don’t be surprised and call the police when you take them. You had a verbal agreement.
(7) When you’re quintuplets arrive, you might get your own television show called IVF Mama Plus Five!
(8) You get to have surgery to help improve your fertility…. The positive side? The hospital offers these delicious pudding cups for lunch! Lip-smacking!
(9) Your friend have stretch marks, sagging breasts and wrinkles. You only have weight gain and acne due to fertility medication.
(10) Whoever said infertility was awful obviously never met your hot fertility doctor! He can inseminate you anytime!
Even if it doesn’t always feel this way and you think you will never get pregnant, infertility is most likely temporary. But hope and determination are permanent.
This article was taken from 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility. This is a REALLY great website about all things infertility, it really does help one look at things differently.
So I did a photo shoot last week as a confidence booster. I originally purchased this Groupon before our first IVF because I was so down & wanted to do something for myself. Then I found out I was pregnant & decided I'd hold off & do the shoot at 6 or 7 mos pregnant. When I lost Orville, I still had this to use by September. So on my birthday I had my consultation then went up there last Tuesday for the shoot. I lost 9 lbs just by eating better for this & to be a little healthier before my next IVF. They did my hair & makeup & then I had a 45 minute shoot that netted me 400 photos! The photographer made me feel so comfortable while being half naked! Ha! Here are a couple I'd like to share! Thank you to my friend Martina for editing a few for me :) I recommend this for anyone! :) Ohh and I am kind of convinced that these aren't really me! Haha
Edited by Martina
Edited by Martina
Edited by Martina
Edited by Martina
That's just a shadow by the way, not my nipple! Haha
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