Egg Retrieval Day

Below are some pictures from today! Baby shirt for good luck, my IV, me after the procedure looking gorgeous lol, & Amber's comment when I told her the good news (that's why she's one of my bff's! Haha). PS we got 11 eggs!! Yayyy I'm so excited! Can't wait to hear how many fertilize!! :)

Twas the Night Before Egg Retrieval

Twas the Night Before Egg Retrieval...

Tomorrow is my egg retrieval and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I'm just as nervous this time, if not more nervous, than I was last time. I also never imagined I'd be doing this again so soon as in my mind, I should be 6 months pregnant right. However, I'm not, so here I am going through all this to TRY to get my baby. 

Last night at 8:30 pm, I triggered ovulation with Ovidrel. I bled a little, no big deal. After the shot, it instantly became real and I started worrying...did I do that shot right?! Of course I did, it's really the only shot you CANNOT mess up! It's a pre-filled syringe, you stick it in and inject the solution. That's it, nothing you can mess up. Okay, so ovulation will now occur 36 hours later...how does it know to ovulate me 36 hours later? I've always wondered that, what if it ovulates sooner? This is what starts running through my head and this is just the beginning. 

Today I've been pretty nervous about tomorrow. The unexpectedness of last cycle started coming into my head which leads to the unexpected of this cycle. Last time, we expected to get 12 eggs, only got 7, only 3 fertilized, only 1 was viable which led to a 2 day transfer. It did lead to a pregnancy, so I know it only takes one, but that was the scariest thing to go through all the drugs, all the ultrasounds, all the injections and wondering if I would even make it to embryo transfer. I know where the nerves come from, I'm sure it happens to everyone but knowing what can happen, some don't even make it to embryo transfer, that's what makes me so nervous.

It's the "unknown," I wish I could some how know exactly what was going to happen. So here I am, figured I'd write a quick post before I relax for the rest of the night. Casey and I went to Bob Evans (haha we act like we're 60 years old at times) and it was damn good! I took my doxycyline and so far it hasn't made me feel like shit, and I've used the (TMI!!) medicated douche my doctor told me to use (EWW I feel so violated right now haha), but I'll do whatever I need to do. 

Here's what this cycle has consisted of: 

• 1 Mock Embryo Transfer
• 21 days of birth control pills
• 23 days of the Lupron injection
• 12 days of Follistim (FSH) injection & SolX (LH) injection
• 1 Ovidrel ovulation shot
• 9 trips to Buffalo IVF at 52 miles each way
• 8 blood work draws
• 6 vaginal ultrasounds

In case you didn't know, that's what it takes just to get to tomorrow, egg retrieval. There is so much invested and now I enter the world of the unknown. How many eggs will they retrieve? How will I feel? Will I be in much pain after? Will the IV hurt going on? How many eggs will fertilize? How will the quality be of the embryos? How many embryos will make it to transfer day? WILL THIS WORK?!

Please be thinking and praying for us tomorrow and going forward for hopefully the next 9 months! <3

After final stims

After stimming for 12 days, follies are ready! Dr measured 8 on my right side (there were a few more he didn't measure) & 5 on my left side. A few more woke up since Tuesday morning yay! We're officially ready to go for ER on Friday morning!! Triggering with ovidrel tonight!

Day #12 Stims

Here's what the follies looked like this morning, plus a few more in the 16-18 mm range. Most are on my right side which I'm definitely feeling! Really hoping doctor will have me trigger tomorrow evening, we'll see!

The Sexy Side of Infertility

This is what a typical IVF cycle looks like on my stomach & arm. It actually looks better this time than when I normally use stims! Oh and that bloating, gotta love that too! This is the sexy side of infertility!

I'm so classy!!

Classy is giving yourself fertility shots at the Erie County Fair during the tractor pull, while using the wheel well of a trailer as your counter, with a drunk guy watching you because he'd like to pee back there!! Ahh the life of an infertile! We do what we gotta do!

One giant bruise

You're looking at stim day #1, 3 & 7. Gotta love it.

Stims night #5

Here's my drugs & prep for when I'm taking stims! That's 3 shots every night! My protocol is Lupron, Follistim & Solution X which is an LH. It's especially fun giving yourself 3 shots, 1 right after another! Bloodwork & ultrasound tomorrow!! Grow follies grow!

Stims night #3

Bruise on top is from night #3, bruise on bottom is from night #1. I just did night #4 on my left side & it's looking pretty good, we'll see if it bruises!

Understanding

This picture was on an infertility page on Facebook and I loved it. This isn't meant to be mean by any means. All words I hear from people are truly appreciated. However, no one truly understands unless you've been through it. For me, it's infertility, trying to conceive, and miscarriage. This can apply to others as well in any of their situations. I just really loved this and thought I'd share :) Thank you to everyone for all their thoughts and prayers throughout this whole process. They are appreciated so much :)

Stims night #1

3 shots done last night, 1st night of stimulating. 1st battle wound of stimming!

Lupron Shot Video

I decided to video a "how-to" tonight of myself doing my Lupron shot! I love documenting stuff. I've never done a video of my infertility process, so I figured, why not?! So here's the video! Ohh and if you're doing this, make sure you're careful in putting the cap back on the needle when you're done! The needle poked through tonight because I was moving too fast and it "bit" my finger! Ouch! A finger prick is much worse than any shot!! You'll see my ouch face right before the video shuts off! Haha 

July 15, 2012

I forgot I wanted to make a post on here on Sunday and I forgot. I updated my Facebook, but since not everyone is on there, I wanted to share my status:


"Exactly 2 years ago today, Casey & I decided we would start a family. Little did we know we'd be here 24 months later childless after driving thousands of miles back & forth to buffalo, spending (idk how much) $, injecting myself with countless amounts of drugs, having prolly close to 100 ultrasounds & more bloodwork drawn than most have in their life, going under anesthesia 3 times, having many procedures & having an angel baby! Wow it's been a tough 2 years but we will prevail & have the child we deserve! I have the best husband for sticking by my side & being my rock thru thick & thin! ♥" 


Two years or 24 months is a long time - I've known people who have gotten pregnant and had 2 children during this time period! I never would've guessed that on July 15, 2010, it would have come to what it is today. No one could've prepared me for everything I would go through. Most people really have no idea what is involved with infertility. All the appointments, all the drugs, all the "poking and proding," it's just crazy. I put on 100 miles each trip I take to Buffalo, and I couldn't tell you how many appointments I've had up there. Each "easy" cycle was at least 5 times, my previous IVF cycle was at least 10 times. Crazy. Not much else I can say but crazy! Anyways, I'm hoping this is nearing the end of trying for our child. I really hope our next IVF cycle gets a happy, healthy baby in our arms. <3

IVF Cycle & Longest 2 Week Wait Ever!!

So I figured I should write a new blog post since I haven't written one in a long time! A lot has happened since I last wrote a post. Since I said from the beginning that this blog was for me and my future children, there may be some things in here that people not going through infertility will not understand, and some things may be a little TMI.

But anyways, my IVF cycle officially started when we were in Las Vegas on January 26th. As I've mentioned before, an IVF cycle is extremely long!! On January 29, I started birth control pills (bcp) for 3 weeks. It is common to go on bcp's at the beginning of an IVF cycle to regulate your cycle and we also don't want any "left-over" follicles from the previous cycle hanging around. Two weeks into the bcp's on February 13, I was started on an injectable drug called Lupron which suppresses the pituitary gland, it basically tricks your body so it doesn't know where you are in your cycle so the doctors have total control over the process (i.e. no early ovulation, stuff like that). As you may or may not know, Lupron made me feel very sick at first. I even missed work the first day after taking the drug. Thankfully after a few days of what felt like "morning sickness," the side effects seemed to go away. Lupron is a medicine that is continued throughout the whole cycle up until the night before ovulation induction. I took my last bcp on Feb 17th, which brought on a period on February 20th. This doesn't necessarily constitute a new cycle as the doctors do not care about this period, it's more so an inconvenience on me, more like a "fake" period.

My baseline blood work and ultrasound was completed on February 21. I then started my FSH (Follistim) and what the doctors call a "magic diluted solution" (sol x) on February 24th. I was on a retreat for the Chautauqua Leadership Network (CLN) on February 24th, I went up to my room at 8 pm to give myself my now 3 injectable shots after being duct-taped to a wall Lol. I developed a very large bruise from these shots, thankfully that was the only time that happened. I posted a picture on February 24th on this blog if you want to see it, I won't lie, it's pretty gross!! Starting on February 26th, I started going up to Buffalo every other day for bloodwork and ultrasounds. On Monday March 5th, Casey and I made a daily drive to Buffalo until Thursday March 8th. It was our morning "date" haha.

Ovulation induction occurred via the injectable Ovidrel (hcg) on March 8th at 8 pm, which allows me to ovulate approximately 36 hours later. On March 9th I had to take the dreaded antibiotic Doxycycline which I absolutely hate! It always makes me feel so yucky! Worst antibiotic ever! It's take as a safety precaution though for the upcoming procedure. I was also required to use a medicated douche that night which surprisingly made me feel more violated than my practically daily transvaginal ultrasounds lol.

On March 10th, I needed to be in the doctors office at 7:15 for Egg Retrieval. After a bunch of questions and having the IV stuck in my arm, I was taken into the IVF room. I remember as soon as the anesthesiologist attached the sedation drug to my IV, I instantly felt the drug creep up my veins into my shoulder and that's the last thing I remember before being wheeled back out into the recovery area. At this point, they told me that they retrieved 7 eggs. We were hoping for 10-12 eggs, so this was definitely less than what we were hoping. After drinking a bottle of water & eating some crackers we headed out of there to head home! I was very sore all day Saturday, the cramps were much worse than period cramps and I felt a sense of mental "emptiness" it was a weird feeling that I wasn't quite expecting.

On March 11th about 9:30 I received a call from the Doctor for my fertilization report. He proceeded to tell me that out of the 7 eggs retrieved, only 3 fertilized but 2 of those were considered to be abnormal, so we only had 1 good embryo. I was really upset when we received this phone call. I couldn't believe that out of 7 eggs, only 1 turned into a healthy embryo. The 1 embryo came about from ICSI where they directly inject a sperm into the egg. The chances are higher of fertilization with this process, so it has become a commonly used fertilization procedure. I know all we need is 1 embryo and I am so thankful for it, but the original plan was to have 2 embryo's transferred and that we'd have others that would be frozen for possible future use. I am very thankful that that 1 embryo did make it though, so I think it'll be a super baby :-) Oh and I forgot to mention I started on Progesterone Sunday called Endometrin to thicken my uterine lining in hopes that the embryo will attach itself and stay on my uterine wall. This definitely isn't the "funnest" stuff as it's a suppository that I get to take 3 times a day haha.

Embryo transfer normally takes place 3-5 days after retrieval but when there is only 1 possible embryo for transfer they like to do the transfer ASAP because "my incubator" is better than their incubator. So now the plan was to be in Buffalo for transfer on Monday March 12th at 9:00. We just needed the cells in the embryo to divide overnight. If this didn't happen, I would receive a phone call on Monday morning that the transfer would not happen.

Wouldn't you know that my phone rang on Monday morning while I was in the shower, my stomach literally sank because I was under the impression that a phone call meant bad news. I frantically answered and Dr Sullivan said, come on up, you have "1 beautiful 4 celled embryo ready for transfer" :-) So Casey & I headed up there for a 9 am appointment. I was given a prescription for Valium to take 30 minutes before the transfer. The Embryo Transfer occurred and I had to lay on the exam table about 30 minutes after transfer. This is when I started to feel "goofy" from the Valium, it not only put me to sleep but it made me feel so silly, kind of like I was tipsy, I think Casey got a kick out of this. So Monday consisted of another day of rest for me.

So now, all we have to do is wait...I think this will be the longest 2 week wait of my life. After 2 weeks, I will get a blood pregnancy test. If it's positive, I'll have a followup blood test as well as an ultrasound. If it's negative, the I will stop the progesterone and a new period/cycle will begin and we will take it from there. I have a lot of hope and think there's a reason that only 1 of the embryo's survived and that it's meant to be our baby! So lots and lots of prayers and all extremities crossed! :-) <3

The Road to IVF

So we had our consultation with Dr. Sullivan on Thursday (1/12), it went really good but of course I always think of one million questions after I meet. Anyways, I found this really great website that explains the whole IVF process from me starting a new cycle to hopefully finding out that it worked. The article is called Understanding IVF Treatment Step by Step. It's helped me understand things a little better but I think I still need to make a phone call to talk to the IVF nurse to answer a few more questions.

Our percentage of IVF working is even greater than IUI, so I really hope it is successful...IVF is going to be the beginning of an end of an era for us, whether it works or not. I am of course still very hopeful that I'll be able to have my own children. One of the things we took from the meeting was that our percentage of having twins is now 50%!! This is super exciting for us. Within days of dating, Casey and I both talked about wanting twins. It's just something we've both always wanted. So maybe the reason we have to go through all of this is to get our twins...who knows. Of course we would be ecstatic to get one baby, but we'll be excited if we get two as well! Anyways, after all the scientific talk and what drugs I'll be taking and what not, Dr. S. talked about how well I've responded to the Follistim in the past (ie the reason we had to cancel the current cycle - I responded too well for IUI), so he thinks he'll be able to get 10 good oocytes out of me and about 70% will likely become embryo's. Dr. S. will transfer 2 embryo's into my uterus. This could leave 5 healthy embryo's leftover which will be frozen for possible future use. So if this IVF doesn't work or if we decide to have more children in the future, we don't have to go through all the hassle we've gone through this time. I would just have my body "tricked" again then when the time is right, embryo's would be transferred in. If we decide not to use them, we can have them destroyed, can give them to someone else we identify within the practice (huge hassle though as he pointed out, plus I don't know if I could let someone else have "our children"), or they can be donated to research which would be ideal for us if we don't use them.

Once I start my new cycle, I'll get started on birth control and then Lupron to trick my pituitary gland. Essentially, the doctor will have total control over my reproductive system. The meds he gives me tells my body what to do and when. Pretty crazy how we can take control over our bodies! Then I'll be back on Follistim and a new drug for me called Ganirelix. Then once Dr says it's time, I'll take the Ovidrel shot and have the egg retrieval done 36 hours later!! I'll get an IV of "Michael Jackson's favorite drug" Propofol (don't worry, it's a very safe form of an anesthetic when given safely and as prescribed) to put me to "sleep" while they retrieve the eggs. I'll then add another drug in there after retrieval (can't remember the name of that one right now)...this is a lot to remember!! Lol. Then, 3 days after egg retrieval, he will transfer 2 embryo's into my uterus. So after the embryo's are transferred, I will start the daily Progesterone (brand name endometrin) and have the dreaded two week wait to see if it worked. So stay tuned, this is a fairly long process. So that's what IVF is in a nutshell, the link above probably does a better job at explaining it than I have, but that's where we're at...

To end, in 7 days and 10 hours, we will be on that big bird to Las Vegas!! :-)

The Invisible Pain

So I'm going to do a quick lunch post based off an article I came across on Facebook. The Invisible Pain of Infertility is the article that is on Redbook.com, and I found it very refreshing to read. Most of you probably didn't know about me suffering with infertility until a couple weeks ago. Only some close family and friends knew. Since I wrote my first post to just get it out there, I've received tremendous support and it feels good to not feel like I'm hiding everything I'm going through on a daily basis. There were a few lines I just wanted to quote about this article that really hit home for me, and that's about it.

• Infertility can be devastating, and it's time we openly acknowledged that. 
• Everyone has the right to privacy, of course, but that secrecy has left so many women to cope alone, in pain, and often uninformed
• When women dealing with infertility can communicate with others in their situation, they get through it in a much better state of mind and also share needed information about their options
• Even when they find a community online, the exchanges are largely anonymous; in real life, they are typically silent
• Twelve percent of reproductive-age American women — about 7.3 million — are having trouble conceiving or carrying a baby to term (that's about 1 in 8 women)
• One reason infertility is considered hush-hush is that it's wrapped up in sex, a subject Americans are notoriously squirmy about. "If you start discussing infertility, you have to talk about ovaries and semen and all kinds of things you don't usually discuss over dinner"

P.S. I'm back to work today. My back is sore, this is the longest I've sat upright in the last 4 days and I am still tired, but other than that I'm doing okay! My belly button is almost completely healed up, and my other incision looks good, it's healing well and the swelling is decreasing. Have a great day, everyone! :-)

Almost 12 hours after surgery

I figured I'd do a quick post from my phone. Surgery scheduled on time today at 10 am and lasted about an hr. The dr made the 2 incisions, one in belly button, other around bikini line. The belly button incision is a little sore, I can barely fill the other. The rest of me feels like I got in a car wreck. My ribs, neck, shoulders & back are very sore, I was warned this would happen though, Casey was nice enough to get me a heat pad which has helped. I did have to have a breathing tube so my throat is VERY sore, feels like I left with strep! Ugh! Anyways, the dr found some endometriosis and zapped it away, so hopefully that will do the trick, fingers crossed. I have my post-op with him on Thursday so I'll find out exactly what's next then. Casey took that picture during recovery, I was definitely feeling better then than now! I think I'm about to take a hydro and hit the sack! Thanks again for everyones thoughts and prayers! <3

What I have been through since July 15, 2010

So, my original purpose for starting a blog was documenting what I was going through while pregnant. I have yet to become pregnant, and it just occurred to me that I could blog what I'm going through while trying to become pregnant. If/when I ever do become pregnant, I know it will be nice to have this blog to look back on to reflect what I went through, and possibly for my child to read one day to see what I had to go through to have them.

On July 15, 2010, Casey and I decided to start trying for a baby. At this time, I was working as a tax accountant, so we decided we would start trying once tax season would be over if I were to get pregnant at that time. So I started my cycle not long after that. At this point in time, my cycles were quite long, approximately 40 days. I had been keeping track of my cycles using an app on my iPod, so it calculated when I should be ovulating and when I should get my period. Well I was due for my period while vacationing in OBX, so I brought pregnancy tests with me, I thought how cool would it be to find out I'm pregnant while on vacation...that was my first negative pregnancy test in this journey.

To back track a few years...back in 2007, my cycles started getting longer and longer, and I was straight-up skipping periods, I was not on birth control because it never reacted well with my body. I decided I should look into this since I knew it was not right, I went close to 3 months without a period. I started going to a doctor who started testing me for everything! I had so many blood tests run, and had ultrasounds, everything! By a process of elimination, the doctor said I have PCOS. I do not "look" PCOS --> most women with it are overweight, have excessive body hair, and many other qualities you can see. The only thing the doctor could "see" were more than normal cysts on my ovaries, so they say this is what I have. Many people never have problems getting pregnant with this, and many people do. The doctor started me on a medication called Metformin. This medication has helped me have a more "normal" cycle. I've been on this medicine every since, and last fall my dosage was increased, I have to take 2 pills every morning and 2 when I go to sleep.

Back to reality, I started going to a Gyno in September, 2010. She saw all of my past information, had me do tons of blood tests and instead of wasting time, she decided to start me on your "basic" infertility medicine. This medicine is called Clomid. I take it for cycle days 3-7, then normally around day 14 which is about when one should ovulate, I'd go into the doctor's office for an ultrasound of my ovaries. At this time, they would look at both ovaries, and measure the size of the growing follicles which in turn release the egg. It didn't look great for the first cycle on Clomid. So we decided to try it again for my next 4 cycles (it's only safe to take for a total of 6 cycles). Unfortunately, I was not responding to Clomid like they had expected, so my next step was to see an infertility doctor.

On March 1, 2011, Casey and I had our first meeting with Dr. Sullivan at Buffalo IVF. He asked us a bunch of questions, looked at all of our past history, and decided to start me on a fertility medicine that women normally respond to if they don't respond to Clomid. This is also the day that we found out that Hopper was doing very bad, the cancer was eating him from the inside out. As we were taking the next steps to welcome (hopefully) a new life into this world, we had to make the decision to put Hopper down the next day (P.S. I'm crying right now as I'm writing this, just thinking about this, we loved him so much!). Before Dr. Sullivan started me on anything, he wanted to make sure that my tubes were clear and looked good, so I had to have a procedure done called an HSG (or dye) test, where a catheter is inserted into the Uterus and then dye is flushed through the tubes to check for any blockages, which I had none, so good news. P.S. Having a catheter inserted into the Uterus hurts like hell, it feels like a contraction, the Uterus does not like things inserted into it!

Okay, so the new med that Dr. Sullivan started me on is called Femara, it's actually used to treat breast cancer in women, but is used highly by infertility doctors. I started on Femara in April after a long March cycle. Femara is an oral medication, taken like Clomid, days 3-7. After an unsuccessful cycle on this, we decided to introduce the next step, which is getting an IUI (or intrauterine insemination or artificial insemination).

I took the Femara on days 3-7, then I started getting my ovaries/follicles measured by ultrasound on Day 10, and continued until they reached a certain size. For my first insemination, I had a follicle that measured 21 mm, which is a good size for insemination. Being this size means, it should be ready to be released and I will ovulate (hopefully). I decided to take an at-home pregnancy test 2 weeks after that, which was negative. So after yet another unsuccessful cycle, we decided to introduce one more thing that should help.

In June, I took the Femara on days 3-7, started getting my ovaries/follicles measured around Day 10, and on Day 13 I took the new drug, Ovidrel. Ovidrel is given by shot in the abdominal area (no it doesn't hurt). This is done at home around 8 pm, then 36 hours later, an IUI is done at the doctor's office. When I first found out I'd have to take a shot, it made me nervous, but then I wondered how I was going to get this shot. I did not think Casey could give it to me because he HATES shots, needles, bloodwork, all that. I mentioned to him about contacting a nurse friend and he said "I can give it to you," he doesn't have a problem administering shots, he just doesn't like to receive them. So, he gave me my Ovidrel shot which induces/pinpoints ovulation, and then I had my IUI on Day 15. In case you are wondering, the IUI does not in any way replace Sex! It's just another way that could assist in getting pregnant because the sperm is injected directly into uterus, and doesn't have to travel. P.S. Casey has "super sperm," so in case you were wondering again, I am the only problem, thankfully he is not. I think he could look at someone and knock them up with how many active sperm he has! Haha! Continuing on, on June 26, my 25th birthday, I work up with my period. I was absolutely devastated. I always thought I would have at least one child by the time I turned 25, and to find out yet again that I was not pregnant, was horrible.

So, we decided to do another cycle just like the last one, Femara, Ovidrel and IUI, my follicles didn't really grow very big on this cycle and there were only about 2 that were growing, but it only takes 1 to get pregnant. In the meantime, I met with Dr Sullivan to discuss what came next if this were to not work. Which as you can imagine, it did not.

So, here's what came next. Instead of taking an oral fertility medication, I would now only do injectibles. The medicine that the doctor put me on was Follistim. Follistim carries many benefits, but it also carries many risks. It's beneficial in that it grows the follicles faster, and bigger and people typically respond better to this if they didn't respond as well to the orals. Some of the risks are, our chance of multiples has now doubled, and hyper/over-stimulation can occur where in the most extreme cases, the ovaries blow up like balloons and if they become too full, they can burst! Eeekk! Follistim is administered via a pen. Every time a new shot is given, a new needle is attached and there is a dial that is adjusted to how much of the medicine the doctor wants the patient to have. Ohh and being on Follistim, the doctors monitor the patient much more closely via bloodwork and ultrasound every couple days. On Day 3, Follistim was started. This cycle, I drove to Buffalo 6 times which is approximately 120 miles each time. On Day 10, after I had been in for bloodwork that morning. I got a phone call from the Doctor (which the Nurses always make the calls, so I knew it had to be bad). He indicated that my estrogen had more than doubled since the previous day and that I was on the verge of being over-stimulated, so the cycle had to come to a halt! He specifically told me to "stay away from that husband of yours" because it'd be too dangerous to pursue the cycle. I had way too many follicles, which can result in way too many babies.

A very strange thing happened next, 7 days later on what would be cycle day 17, I began my cycle. Now I'm used to having cycles around 32 days, this was practically half that. I went in for my Day 3 ultrasound, and the nurse said I "have crazy ovaries going on" which is not something the doctors want to see on a day 3, on day 3, your ovaries should be nice and quiet. Another downside of the Follistim, the old follicles like to stick around from the previous cycle, we only want fresh new follicles for a new cycle. So, cure for this...take birth control for 2 weeks. Wait, now I've been trying to get pregnant now for over a year, and now I have to take birth control?! Not cool!! Well I did, so I was blessed with another period 18 days later.

Since I reacted "too well" by developing so many follicles after the Follistim last cycle, the doctor's decided to do a hybrid cycle basically. I go back to taking the Femara for days 3-7 to get the follicles growing, then on Day 7 I begin taking lower dosages of Follistim, while continuing to be monitored every couple of days to see how things are looking. By adding the Follistim to the Femara, the Follistim picks the couple growing follicles and grows them even bigger than they could grow with only Femara. On Day 15, they had me do the Ovidrel shot (which I did for the first time ever myself because I had to take the shot while I was at a Tupperware party, I'm really proud of myself for being able to do this). Then on Day 17, I had the IUI. I woke up that morning feeling like my stomach hurt. Well I get up to the doctor's office and the nurse asks how I'm feeling and I tell her about my little belly ache and she tells me those are my ovaries telling me they're "full" and ready for ovulation! Wow best belly ache ever! This was a great sign, I was so excited because I'd never felt this before. Before the IUI was done, an ultrasound is always done to look at the ovaries, and they looked great, best cycle I'd had thus far!

Well, all of a sudden last Sunday, October 2nd, I got crampy and started my cycle. This was very hard on me. I'm always hoping for the best but expecting the worst, but this time things were different. I reacted very well to the meds, I got the ovary ache, nurses were so hopeful...so it was so hard starting that cycle.

One of the options discussed in July was if the Follistim didn't work, then he wanted to do surgery. At this point, it's unexplained to the doctor why I can't get pregnant. I've had "help" for the majority of my cycles over the last year, and have tried lots of different things, on top of that I'm healthy, so in his eyes, I should have gotten pregnant by now.

So, next Friday October 14th, I'm having a Laparoscopy where a tiny camera will be inserted into my abdomen which will then will be used to look at my reproductive system. The doctor will be looking for scar tissue, endometriosis, anything that could suggest why I haven't gotten pregnant. If he finds nothing, I'm not sure what's next. If he does find something, it'll obviously depend on what he finds. This is considered to be a minimally invasive surgery, but it's still surgery, I have to have pre-op testing and be put under anesthesia. Casey will take off of work to bring me and I will probably be laid up all weekend, hopefully no more, but everyone handles things differently, the scarring with this should also be minimal.

So that's everything I can think of at 10:00pm on a Friday night (posted Saturday night because my computer decided to act up), this basically explains what Casey and I have been through over the last 15 months. It saddens me to see other people get pregnant. I'm happy for them, but at the same time I always wonder, why can't that be me? I do have Baby Envy and get sad a lot. There are many times where I feel like I'm failing. I feel like I've taken the right path in life, I have a Master's degree, a great job with amazing benefits, a supportive husband, I own my home, I feel we're financially ready for a child and yet I can't do the thing I'm supposed to do. As this goes on and on, I become more and more open because it does help to talk about it. I've found people to talk to and it has definitely helped me more. Anyways, that's it for now, I know it's long but oh well, my story is long. And now I'm going to bed to cuddle with my wonderful, supportive husband. Good night <3